Dear Someone,

You’re probably living a pretty damn well life…or you’re probably not. I don’t know anymore, and that’s what hurts. It’s been well over four years since I haven’t seen you.

I changed. I’m not the same, and I’m pretty sure you have too. Who could have imagined that with four years I would have changed? But then again I was barely going to be a Sophomore in High School, and now I’m a Sophomore in college. Crazy! Let me tell you how my day was (the one question people hate answering).

Me
16 Year Old Me

– Last Days of Summer 2017

I woke up at six like I do every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday…I have an eight o’clock class and the commute is 45 minutes long. Oh and as you can imagine I have my license! However, today I swiped the snooze button the other way. I slept in. I woke up at 7:20 am and I knew I was going to be late, so I gave up and decided that it wasn’t worth going to that class late. I told my mom that class got cancelled.

As I got out of the house, I realized I didn’t have my keys…my CAR keys! “Great way to go genius!” was all I could think about when I was calling my mother telling her that same thing. I could hear her laugh, while she teased me. But there she was at the door handing me the forgotten keys.

Standing in the cold for like ten minutes was long enough to get my skin red and itchy, so I blast the heat up. Just like the music.

I got to school, with luck I found parking. I had thirty minutes till my next class started, so I decided to print out the essay that was due and pray that I would get a good grade, because I’m not good at school. It was never an easy thing for me, but that’s beside the point.

Forgetting one more thing…actually various things, or at least that’s what it feels like. My life feels like it is going crazy, yet here I am trying to push through. Just as I pushed through this day at school (the place I don’t want to be at).

-With much love, your forgotten someone!

P.S Hopefully, I’ll be the amazing author (English Major) and teach abroad in other countries. Kill two birds with one stone. I wish you the best!

Advertisements

Sister Date

I can’t help but think that my life is not interesting. There is a perfect quote that sums up my freaking life…

The notebook

The saddest part is that this is the old Noah Calhoun from The Notebook. Yes, I just said that I live like an old man. Yet yesterday night, I had an adventure and honestly for me it wasn’t a fun adventure. But will I remember this day???

Anyway, yesterday! Right! It was a no biggie type of day, just chill at home and do homework. My sister got back from work and she took me out on a date. To Olive Garden! Meanwhile my parents were at some wedding (it’s kind of funny how my parents are more the party type than us).

So while we waited and ate, everything was going good. The food was delicious! I was stuffed! We drove home, to realize we locked ourselves out. No keys or garage opener! Out in the cold…we were freaking out. I had homework, and my computer was on.

So my sister was like we have two options: we crash a party (we were actually invited) or break a window. I didn’t want to do either, but I rather deal with a party instead of getting yelled at by our parents.

So by 10 at night, we got a simple present and arrived at this party. We honestly left like an hour or two after. We waited with my aunt until my parents got home. That wasn’t like two hours after, so like at one in the morning. I didn’t go to sleep till like three in the morning…haha! But that’s because of homework.

I would like to tell my children these little adventures. The ones I would have with my sister. Tell them that age does not really matter, and that they could get along just fine.

 

 

Carpe Diem

Dead Poets Society

“Oh Captain, my Captain!” Robert William, how you made me feel in this film has no words. It’s kind of funny on how you get to know of certain things. In the first week of school, my poetry professor showed us a clip of the film–Dead Poet’s Society. I never would have imagined finding it on Netflix. From that small clip I got drawn to watch this movie. An exceptional movie.

-The scene that my professor showed.

I watched the Dead Poet’s Society last week. Today I picked up a book called Note to Self, and it made me feel the same way. My question is…

-Beautifully written!

What is this feeling?

I came to the conclusion that it is almost the same feeling as feeling infinite. When I feel infinite, I feel like I’m living life for a reason. That there is no such thing as a BAD THING! That I can actually be the extraordinary author!

-“And at this moment I swear we were infinite”

So…These films, books, and even songs…are things that motivate me to be me. It motivates me to be human. To cry. To feel every single emotion that is running inside of me like a stream of water. I feel like I am able to be someone.

-My favorite scene of this movie! I cried and I felt what Todd was feeling…anxious, scared, and even mad. And at last…I felt relief. Is this what words can do?

Dead Poets Society

So today, I end this blog with one simple statement: LIVE!

 

El Dia del Grito

I honestly don’t know what it’s like to be a teenager. There I said it! Or for a matter of fact, a college student! I am in my last teens and in my second year of college. Yet, I still find myself craving late night talks with a group of six or seven girls. I mean don’t get me wrong…I love having one on one talks with my best friends.

Yesterday night I invited my friends to my house to celebrate the Mexican Independence Day. When I was getting them food, my dad looks at us and he offers me and my friends a wine cooler. Any other person would say, “Oh my god! A wine cooler!” but I came from parents who wouldn’t even let me take a sip of whatever they had. Point being, that I respect their wish and don’t drink not even when I am surrounded by people who are having a blast drinking. BTW I don’t condone underage drinking…but if you have your parents’ okay then who am I to say so.

Friday night

Anyway, being there with my friends I didn’t know what to say or do because I’m not living the crazy teenage life. I’m not saying they are crazy teens…but in my opinion they are living more than I am.

Grito.jpg
The Mexican spirit was real! Green dress, white shoes, red nails! It’s a Mexican holiday where you scream. -From Prada to Nada

I’m about to go real on you guys, and I pray that Mr. Someone won’t read this…EVER. I am crushing on this guy…and lately I am just saying YOLO and now I want to get his digits. I don’t know how to ask or how to even bring it up. Yes this is my life… if something happens, I’ll keep you guys in touch.

Well in seven months, I’m gonna be twenty. The famous roaring twenties. I don’t know if they are going to be a blast or not, but if things start happening well maybe they will be fun. I don’t know! At the moment, they are kind of boring, but oh well!

Favorite cover!!!

 

 

“Be Alright”

Okay! So my first week of school could be classified as something like AWFUL! The first few weeks are awkward, but well if I try to look at it in a positive way then everything was alright.

first week

My promises were not kept…whoops! No I am not excercising. Yes I broke my diet. Yes I swear to god that my first week was awful!

However, I have told you that lately I have been sick and tired of feeling the way I feel. Depressed. Dark. Feeling like I am going nowhere in my life, so I decided to make little changes. Be more optimistic. Love yourself.

That being said, it’s a lot harder than you think. Trying to love myself? What is that? Optimistic? What does it mean? It means to think of happy things and to look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I’m beautiful!”

beautiful
When I was younger, I thought because I was “fat” that I was ugly. Now I think that I’m beautiful! ANY SIZE, GENDER, AND RACE ARE BEAUTIFUL!

So while everything is going down….I’m just looking up!

Sophomore Year!!!

“It doesn’t surprise me when people in the public fall into drugs, addiction, alcohol, depression and suicide. If I didn’t have my faith and I didn’t have my community, I’d be right there with them” (Arden Cho).

As I said in my last blog post if it weren’t for the people in my life, I would have also join these people. No, I’m not saying it to be funny. Arden Cho, I wish you the best in your career and in your life! Check her out!!!

Other than a YouTuber, she is also an actor, singer, and blogger / vlogger. Check out her blog! https://www.eastofarden.com/ 

Anyway, this is my last weekend of summer! It is such a bitter-sweet feeling. This summer has been one of the most funnest (is that a word??? ohh bilingual problems). From going to Missouri, to Mexico, and spending time with friends and family, this summer was probably one of my best summers. I’ve read three books: Unfilter: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me by Lilly Collins, The Choice by Nicholas Sparks, and See Me by Nicholas Sparks. I also started another one…but I didn’t finish it.

This past week was actually probably the worst way to end the summer, but oh well. I really can’t complain. Friday: my aunt came over. Saturday: I have a birthday party to go to. Sunday: is still a mystery.

This Monday marks the start of my Sophomore Year of College. I need to take a deep breath and focus on getting good grades. soph

I also wanted to give an update on the Yes, You Can! diet. Well, I have lost about five pounds so…I guess that is something good! I’m planning on using my school’s gym and workout after my class… at least on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Let’s see if I can keep that promise.

Yes You Can

I guess…I’m ready for school!!!

Yes I Can?!

 

 

JKR

From probably one of my biggest inspirations…JK Rowling, “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

I don’t want your pity…I swear I don’t! But what I do want, is to let you know why I am the way I am. Does that make sense?

Y’all know that I have PCOS. According to some sites I have looked up, it says that mood swings are normal. Which can explain why some weeks I feel like a complete failure, and/or lost in this world. Or why sometimes I could feel lonely.

On my good days, I realize that I am not lonely at all. I have my parents, my sister, and my best friend. Overall, I have family. My question to myself is…Why? I don’t know why I feel so lonely…and yet I do. Is it because of PCOS? Am I being dramatic? But I’m not because I am feeling all of these emotions. I could possibly agree that it might be because of hormones which brings me back to PCOS.

One of the main reasons I have this–to my understanding–, is because of hormones and being overweight. I repeat TO MY UNDERSTANDING!!!! I am not a doctor.

Therefore, my mother always encouraged me to lose weight. I never did lose enough of weight. Although I did try, I could have tried harder. Whatever! This year, my mother suggested Alejandro Chaban’s diet– Yes, I Can!–so many years of saying “NO” to do something called dieting because I was afraid that this will classify me as fat. This year I said, “I’ll try.”

Although I broke this diet in the first week, I gave more of an effort this current week. I am hoping that if I lose weight and my period goes back to normal…that maybe I will even start feeling healthier mentally. I need to get out of this dark hell that I am in. With school coming up, I can go two ways… go deeper into this hell or actually start feeling better. Shoot, I may just stay the same, which I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. But I know I’ll be fine, because I got amazing and sometimes annoying people (because they want the best for me…Thank you, mama).

So, Yes I Can!