“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake” (Hemmingway). Lately, I have been thinking about the down parts in life. So, I’m a little scared of what I should say on here. I’m scared of what people might say. Once they figure my site out.
Let me tell you why my life feels like it’s crumbling.
All of you, know my endless thoughts of going away. The thoughts of escaping reality with the blink of an eye. Well, it all started out when I was diagnosed with PCOS.
WHAT IS PCOS???
I don’t blame any of you, who don’t know what that is. Well, it stands for Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome, what is a “hormonal disorder causing enlarged ovaries with small cyst on the outer edge.”
HOW DO THEY DIAGNOSE IT?
Too many questions, but most of all it was cause one major symptom. Which for PCOS, it is usually that your period is delayed.
Well, my period has been delayed, so like any other person I told my mother. My mother was not too worried, but after months of not having it. She made a doctors appointment. At that moment I was overweight, and like always the doctor pointed that out. The main thing I was always told: LOSE WEIGHT!
By then, I had figured that was that. The appointment finished, everything was discovered. I had to shed a few pounds…or try to. However, that was not the only thing. The doctor had also pointed out that my hormones were imbalanced. Yet that wasn’t the only thing, this final thing…destroyed me. Till this day, it eats me alive…I might not be able to have my own kids.
The years pass by and it’s like days. The first day is sunny and bright. The second day is still sunny but now you spot a cloud. The third day is cloudy, but you can still see the sun. It just keeps getting worse.
I just. I just want to sleep.