“Closer”

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“I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there”(The Perks of Being a Wallflower). There’s days where I hoped that I could change my whole life, but I can’t pick and choose my life like people choose cards from their deck. That’s why I like this quote. It opens my eyes…it makes me hope that I can make my own choices and make myself happy with the things that I do. I want to change the life of others, so I wonder if I pick the right college major. I should have picked a nursing major. Yet, I picked an English major. Where the best thing I can do is help people study English. Should I become a lawyer?

Anyway, like the quote says, “we can still choose where we go from there.” I always think about having adventures like a night out with the girls. For example, like yesterday I went to a concert. There was this moment where the drums yelled, the guitars scream, and the sweet melody flowed into my ear. My eyes closed for a minute, and I swear I felt the whole world stopped and for a millisecond I felt infinite.

That day has nothing to be compared with. There is probably no words in any language to describe the feeling. Yet, no matter how hard I try…I still feel the same. It’s the most common fight between ourselves. We don’t know what to do and who we are. Unlike many people who are willing to find who they are, I just want to give up. I’m tired of trying. I’m not satisfied, with the life I have. I want…I NEED something else that gives me strength to keep going.

The biggest fear I have is that I won’t like who I am in ten, twenty years. So in a way this power of picking your life choices can mess your whole life. I DON’T LIKE IT! Can it be simple? Just like the book The Giver, where they pick your life for you.

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