I am. You are. Beautiful!

Today I searched what the meaning of beauty is. It read, “a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight…” I don’t know how to react to such an answer. Although it clearly states a definition, I still don’t know what it means.

All my life (and I know it’s not much) I known beauty to be light skin, flawless smooth and silky hair and obviously the major one…skinny.

Y’all know several things about me already…let me tell you more.20160527_204239

I am five foot one, and I weigh 175 pounds. In other words, doctor wise and health wise I am obese. Yet, when I look at myself in the mirror, I see a chubby person. Not fat. I see a beautiful women. If I do a checklist, everything would be marked off.

But it’s because of that definition, that I am always thinking that I am not pretty. I want to be acknowledged and told that I am pretty. I am so needy.

The closest thing I’ve gotten to a compliment was “You ain’t too big. You ain’t too small, but you just the right size.” That moment, I thought what a creep?!, but for a tiny small second, I liked it. I never been told that I was pretty, beautiful, hot, or sexy, so I guess for me that was something big.

20160730_144634However, now I know that wasn’t something that should have been said or ever be said. Women SHOULD  be told that they are pretty and beautiful but in a good way, not a creepy Chicago guy sort of way. But if nobody tells you, don’t get desperate and get happy when someone says something that pervy type of remark to you. Just think to yourself, “I am beautiful!” Your own voice and opinion should matter. I’ll try to follow my own advice from now on. I won’t let someone ever say that to me again.

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Without You <3

 

 

down-syndrome

“Death is the wish of some, the relief of many, and the end of all.”

My aunt has passed away almost about two years ago. She died a warrior. She fought life and proved the world that people can be happy without having everything they want. I don’t want to say her name, but she was a really close person to me. Growing up with her, was hard. I often blamed her for a lot of things. Like not being able to go to vacation or for having to lock my room. Now without her, I feel like something is needed here…it’s empty.

Why did you have to do all those things?

My aunt had down syndrome. She and my grandma both live with my mother, therefore she lived with me. I know that I shouldn’t have felt like that, and now I regret it. I miss her. I miss her so much.

If you were to ask me, would you want her to come back like she was, or with no disability. My answer would be…don’t change her. I want her the same as she was. Yes, it was hard, but not impossible.

Anyway, she would steal my papers. I remembered she stole my story that I have been writing; I couldn’t forgive her. Obviously, I started writing it again. In my opinion, better than the last time. There was so many instances where I got mad at her, but I knew better. She was just living her life being happy.

I don’t think anybody would want to know how or why she died. So I am not going to say it, but let me say that during her last days…she wasn’t there.

Till this day, I believe that she reincarnated…

She’s back again. Back to this family. I hope.

She taught me that life isn’t impossible, but it will get complicated sometimes. When it gets complicated, don’t give up, but keep pushing forward. I love you!