I’m officially 19!!! It’s crazy! My last official years of being a teen and then it is straight into my twenties.
Every single movie I have watched depicts your teens and twenties like the best part of your life. Which I find incredibly funny because so far my teens have been horrible. They were full of insecurities and days that I had to learn how to love myself. In all honesty, I’m still working on it.
BUT not everything was awful. My teens had brought some of the most special days: Quince, Prom, Graduation of 2016, and probably more. I have grown closer to the few friends I have and my sister.
While I am absolutely terrified of growing older, I also accept it. I accept that it might be harder and that it won’t come easy. There will be days that I think I am not going to make it, and give up. I accept this life I was given, and I will try with all my might to achieve the things a teen is suppose to do. I don’t keep any promises. I’ll have fun and live life as it is. Because my teen years taught me to just live and have no worries.
“A happy marriage is about three things: memories of togetherness, forgiveness of mistakes and a promise to never give up on each other” (Surabi Surenda).
Yesterday marked the marriage anniversary of my parents. I remember when I was younger, I wanted them to kiss every day. It wouldn’t even be for special days. Maybe I wanted to see the love. Anyway, my parents are very different from each other. My father is a quiet man…very serious. My mother still has energy of a troublemaker. Her eyes glistened when she is doing a “travesura” or being a “payasa.” Yet, they both ended up together.
When I ask my mom to tell me how they met, I admit it wasn’t anything special. Fate pulled them together, it decided that they would baptized a little girl together. The dress shopping for the baby, and being together…they grew fond of each other and started dating. They broke up, but fate laughed and once again they ended up together.
My parents may not be the most romantic but love is there. Over the years, I have grown to learn that they are different…but that’s okay. I appreciate that they remain strong and keep pushing through. If it weren’t for them we wouldn’t be the family we are now.
Today, is my father’s birthday. Like I have said before, he is a man of few words. But without him, I wouldn’t have a bed to sleep on or a shelter over my head. I wouldn’t have this computer that I am typing on…I wouldn’t have the phone that I use 24/7. Without him I would be nothing…literally. I don’t say it enough…but I love you, papi!!!
Just shut up, because no one cares. I’m not important…
I can’t tell you, how many times I felt this and keep feeling it. If I’m quiet, I am forced to think these dark thoughts. I don’t matter. I’m not important. I’m just another human on this earth who is probably just going to die in the end, with no real impact.
Point being, there would be days where I felt like complete failure of a human, and would end up crying in the bathroom, or cry myself to sleep. Or like I have said before… a want to escape what is known to be reality.
Six to seven years ago, I started writing with the intent of creating something. A different world in my words. I knew I wasn’t good, but it helped. It helped because I felt like a SOMEBODY I have a purpose I thought. Sure what I wrote about was nothing important, BUT it made me feel important. It went to poems about my insecurity or my family, writing into a diary where I would write my dark thoughts hoping that no one would read them, to a blog where I hope I can give a message.
I write to feel alive. I write so I have time to cry and sort my feelings out. To shout at the world for being so unjust. To give you guys hope. That life is going to get better… BECAUSE YOU MY FRIEND ARE IMPORTANT!!!
I’m finished with this SHIT (excuse the language)! I wish I could say that I am finished with college, but sadly it’s only my first year. If I were to explain what college is like, I would say (in reality I found), “Stressed out anxiety-prone teens running on three hours of sleep and a shit ton of coffee.” High school seniors…that’s exactly what you are going into. It’s not all bad…I guess. Four things that my Freshman year of college taught me:
Do your homework! I know this is such a cliche…and I know most kids do it either way. Yet, in high school you turn in a late assignment and you could possibly get full points. My first week of school, and I was trying to get used to how college worked. I messed up! I missed the deadlines. Or… I would forget the assignment all together. Anyway… I missed the first big assignment…the professor took almost a whole letter grade to it.
Parking is hell. The first day wasn’t bad. However, the next few days to come were awful! Basically, if you had a class at 9 and on…you’re screwed. The only times I was able to find parking was on Tuesday and Thursday. That was after one pm. My advice to commuters going to any school is to get there at least thirty minutes before your class starts. In my opinion, that is still pushing it.
Don’t procrastinate! Which I guess could go with the first one, but what the heck! If you want good grades you have to study. I tend to push studying until it became the last important things. Just try to do everything on time, because if not college is going to be difficult. It was for me…
Arrive on your finals on time! With my fxxxking luck, I got late to one final in each semester. Therefore, put an alarm and go TWO hours before your exam!!! At least if it’s snowing. That was my luck…it snowed and it was icy. Boom, there was an accident!