Merry Christmas

“There comes a time when we heed a certain call. When the world must come together as one”(We Are the One). Most of us. If not all of us, have made a comment that left somebody crying, mad, or just plain disappointed. I wish I didn’t have to admit it, but I would be lying if I said I hadn’t.

This weekend I had the satisfaction to celebrate another Christmas with my family. My sister and I gave out presents this year with the little money that we both made. This Christmas was filled with many new customs for us. However, it also opened my eyes to what Christmas should be about.

My family worried that they would not have enough money to give us– nieces and nephews– presents. Now let that sit and sink in. PRESENTS?!

If you think about the religious reason we celebrate Christmas, it is WAY different from the actual reason we celebrate it now. My family raised me Catholic, so what I learned is that it is Jesus’s birthday. I know that I do not celebrate Christmas because of Jesus’s birthday.

What do you celebrate on Christmas Aimee?

Well, that’s the thing. I used to celebrate it because of the presents that I would get from my family and of course Santa Clause. I am ashamed to say that this was the way I had celebrated Christmas for at least two years ago (maybe even less). Since then, I am trying to think of why I celebrate Christmas.presents

I got my answer. I celebrate Christmas to be with my family and to enjoy the little time we have together. But it gets me thinking that not everybody celebrates Christmas with family.xmas So if y’all can. Next year, make a child smile on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Give clothes or shelter to the homeless and tell them that they are not alone. Adopt a pet and give them a place to call home. Most importantly…love each other. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Merry Christmas!!!

Advertisements

I am. You are. Beautiful!

Today I searched what the meaning of beauty is. It read, “a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight…” I don’t know how to react to such an answer. Although it clearly states a definition, I still don’t know what it means.

All my life (and I know it’s not much) I known beauty to be light skin, flawless smooth and silky hair and obviously the major one…skinny.

Y’all know several things about me already…let me tell you more.20160527_204239

I am five foot one, and I weigh 175 pounds. In other words, doctor wise and health wise I am obese. Yet, when I look at myself in the mirror, I see a chubby person. Not fat. I see a beautiful women. If I do a checklist, everything would be marked off.

But it’s because of that definition, that I am always thinking that I am not pretty. I want to be acknowledged and told that I am pretty. I am so needy.

The closest thing I’ve gotten to a compliment was “You ain’t too big. You ain’t too small, but you just the right size.” That moment, I thought what a creep?!, but for a tiny small second, I liked it. I never been told that I was pretty, beautiful, hot, or sexy, so I guess for me that was something big.

20160730_144634However, now I know that wasn’t something that should have been said or ever be said. Women SHOULD  be told that they are pretty and beautiful but in a good way, not a creepy Chicago guy sort of way. But if nobody tells you, don’t get desperate and get happy when someone says something that pervy type of remark to you. Just think to yourself, “I am beautiful!” Your own voice and opinion should matter. I’ll try to follow my own advice from now on. I won’t let someone ever say that to me again.

Without You <3

 

 

down-syndrome

“Death is the wish of some, the relief of many, and the end of all.”

My aunt has passed away almost about two years ago. She died a warrior. She fought life and proved the world that people can be happy without having everything they want. I don’t want to say her name, but she was a really close person to me. Growing up with her, was hard. I often blamed her for a lot of things. Like not being able to go to vacation or for having to lock my room. Now without her, I feel like something is needed here…it’s empty.

Why did you have to do all those things?

My aunt had down syndrome. She and my grandma both live with my mother, therefore she lived with me. I know that I shouldn’t have felt like that, and now I regret it. I miss her. I miss her so much.

If you were to ask me, would you want her to come back like she was, or with no disability. My answer would be…don’t change her. I want her the same as she was. Yes, it was hard, but not impossible.

Anyway, she would steal my papers. I remembered she stole my story that I have been writing; I couldn’t forgive her. Obviously, I started writing it again. In my opinion, better than the last time. There was so many instances where I got mad at her, but I knew better. She was just living her life being happy.

I don’t think anybody would want to know how or why she died. So I am not going to say it, but let me say that during her last days…she wasn’t there.

Till this day, I believe that she reincarnated…

She’s back again. Back to this family. I hope.

She taught me that life isn’t impossible, but it will get complicated sometimes. When it gets complicated, don’t give up, but keep pushing forward. I love you!

“Closer”

closer.jpg

“I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there”(The Perks of Being a Wallflower). There’s days where I hoped that I could change my whole life, but I can’t pick and choose my life like people choose cards from their deck. That’s why I like this quote. It opens my eyes…it makes me hope that I can make my own choices and make myself happy with the things that I do. I want to change the life of others, so I wonder if I pick the right college major. I should have picked a nursing major. Yet, I picked an English major. Where the best thing I can do is help people study English. Should I become a lawyer?

Anyway, like the quote says, “we can still choose where we go from there.” I always think about having adventures like a night out with the girls. For example, like yesterday I went to a concert. There was this moment where the drums yelled, the guitars scream, and the sweet melody flowed into my ear. My eyes closed for a minute, and I swear I felt the whole world stopped and for a millisecond I felt infinite.

That day has nothing to be compared with. There is probably no words in any language to describe the feeling. Yet, no matter how hard I try…I still feel the same. It’s the most common fight between ourselves. We don’t know what to do and who we are. Unlike many people who are willing to find who they are, I just want to give up. I’m tired of trying. I’m not satisfied, with the life I have. I want…I NEED something else that gives me strength to keep going.

The biggest fear I have is that I won’t like who I am in ten, twenty years. So in a way this power of picking your life choices can mess your whole life. I DON’T LIKE IT! Can it be simple? Just like the book The Giver, where they pick your life for you.

GPS My Way Out

“Ghandi once said that everything you do in life is insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. I tend to agree with the first part (Remember Me).” Not the first time, I related to this quote and it won’t be the last. Today as I looked upon the road in front of me,  I noticed the gray sky and the raindrops that represented the tears I did not let out. I don’t know why I hold it in. The wanting to cry, and yet I clench my insides and hold onto my breath that is trying to escape from me. Trying to force and shove the tears upwards, hoping that way they won’t come out.

At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to make a wrong turn, because I wanted to see where it would take me to. Yet, I knew that if I went away, that two minutes later I would use my GPS to find my way back to my school. Should have I done it? I wish I did.

I will. I promise. Give me four years. Let me save money. I’m only asking for a favor. Keep me strong. I’m breaking. It might be those tears I hold in…I think I’m officially getting soak like a paper towel. I will break and then I won’t be of any use and will just go to the trash. I want enough of time to to experience something. I want to find something that will make me feel alive. This is something I need. If I get enough of money this year…I want to go somewhere this summer. Easier said than done…world

Infinite

perks

“And in that moment I swear we were infinite.” You don’t know how much I wish to feel that everyday. I probably don’t understand the meaning the author meant, but nonetheless it’s my favorite quote. Yet, I probably live my life  in regret every single day.  Wanting the earth to stop spinning. To stop breathing. Is it sad to say that I probably wanted that ever since I was seven. Obviously when I was seven it was because of something so childish. I guess you can say I was always a depressed child. I had just moved to a new house in a new place. I was away from the one thing I knew…family.

I was falling like Woody in that one scene from Toy Story… falling into a wide unknown area where there was blackness all around. Just a child, but I know I was depressed. I was and still remains to be: should have I been that sad? Not! But I was and I remember when I was in second grade I would hold my breath and hope I would die. But back then I didn’t know what death was, nor how hard it was to achieve it. I didn’t know that if you died you wouldn’t be with the ones you love. I just wanted an escape from the ugly house. To be with my cousins who were like my siblings.

After years of tantrums and endless crying, I got fixed. Two years in this ugly house and well every thing was turning out well. Outstanding. I was finally starting to make friends. A best friend for each different year. I finally relied on more than just my cousins and sister. I had my own friends which I had thought was going to be impossible.

While I had originally thought that I was going to get out of elementary school friendless, I had a few friends. By then I saw the rainbow.