Yes I Can?!

 

 

JKR

From probably one of my biggest inspirations…JK Rowling, “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

I don’t want your pity…I swear I don’t! But what I do want, is to let you know why I am the way I am. Does that make sense?

Y’all know that I have PCOS. According to some sites I have looked up, it says that mood swings are normal. Which can explain why some weeks I feel like a complete failure, and/or lost in this world. Or why sometimes I could feel lonely.

On my good days, I realize that I am not lonely at all. I have my parents, my sister, and my best friend. Overall, I have family. My question to myself is…Why? I don’t know why I feel so lonely…and yet I do. Is it because of PCOS? Am I being dramatic? But I’m not because I am feeling all of these emotions. I could possibly agree that it might be because of hormones which brings me back to PCOS.

One of the main reasons I have this–to my understanding–, is because of hormones and being overweight. I repeat TO MY UNDERSTANDING!!!! I am not a doctor.

Therefore, my mother always encouraged me to lose weight. I never did lose enough of weight. Although I did try, I could have tried harder. Whatever! This year, my mother suggested Alejandro Chaban’s diet– Yes, I Can!–so many years of saying “NO” to do something called dieting because I was afraid that this will classify me as fat. This year I said, “I’ll try.”

Although I broke this diet in the first week, I gave more of an effort this current week. I am hoping that if I lose weight and my period goes back to normal…that maybe I will even start feeling healthier mentally. I need to get out of this dark hell that I am in. With school coming up, I can go two ways… go deeper into this hell or actually start feeling better. Shoot, I may just stay the same, which I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. But I know I’ll be fine, because I got amazing and sometimes annoying people (because they want the best for me…Thank you, mama).

So, Yes I Can!

 

Hasta Luego!!!

I would say that coming back from vacation is a bitter sweet feeling.

This past week was my first week back home after three weeks in Mexico. Waiting for our arrival was even more family. It wasn’t only family that made me feel like I was at home…it was the place that I have gotten attach to…my home. This suburb…oh how I have grown to love it!

Anyway, this vacation was what the doctor had ordered. I don’t want to write every single detail because somebody had once told me that once you tell a memory it no longer is yours. I’ll tell you 10 memorable things that has happened…(not in a specific order).

1). I’m legal!

As y’all know, in the U.S. you have to be twenty-one years old in order to be legal to drink. Well in Mexico, you have to be 18. In the hotel, they welcomed us with free drinks from the bar. That pina colada was so good!

2). Puerto Vallarta’s Town

My family and I stayed in Nuevo Vallarta…to which I understand is two different states. Anyway, Nuevo Vallarta and Puerto Vallarta was like thirty minutes away. Let me tell what I sure won’t miss. I won’t miss the crazy driving over there! Since we didn’t really know our way, my family and I only went to the town like twice. Yet, even if it was only two times…I fell in love. It was a city and a beach vibe. There were so many people, but in the night it was a different world. Yet the entire time in the Vallarta’s…  I felt that I was still in the U.S…there were still a lot of American tourist.

3). Tony!

Tony is an iguana that me and my sister took a picture with. It was beautiful! I also felt bad for it. It almost felt like a rubber toy…

4). Ziplining

False advertisement! I only agreed to this because I thought we were going to hike on a mountain and throw ourselves off of it. But no! They decide to say that we have to go through an obstacle course. I never knew that I shook so much! The people behind me were so kind…and they were both pretty in shape men. Thanks! But I did it! The queen of chickening out…did it! From this I got 17 or more mosquito bites.

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5). Boat Ride

Have y’all been on a boat? If you have, congrats if you could walk. This boat had breakfast and lunch. After it started moving, I didn’t think it was that bad…but then it actually started to go faster. The boat hit the waves and danced which made me tumbled and lose balance. There you see me with my cup of milk and OJ…you never seen me with such fright. To be honest, I think the boat ride was worst than the zipline activity. Other than that, this little boat ride included dinner on the beach and drinks, the blue ocean, the ziplining activity, and Tony. It was worth…the not being able to walk.

6). The Mountains

The second week  of Mexico, we spent with my father’s family. It is all good, except for the fact that we are in the middle of nowhere with no WIFI connection. How can a millennial survive a week without her phone? I don’t know how I did it. The funny thing is that in order to get connection you have to hike up the mountains to this spot…then you’ll get signal. Poof! Anyway, I slept in a room full of bees…well not full but they were some hives. The insects over there are huge…the last day I was so done. That I only had a minor freak out with an insect the size of two quarters.

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7). Scorpion

The same second week, a scorpion threw us a welcome party. Yes, a scorpion! We were about to sleep when the scorpion came out of nowhere. Poor thing didn’t know that they were gonna kill it.

8). La Cena

In Mexico it is accustomed to eat at 8 or 9 at night. No, it wasn’t a simple fruit. It was a god damn meal! When we got to out third destination…Leon, Guanajuato, we ate tacos at like 10 at night. Most of the time they bought us food from vendors around the block. It was a blessing and a curse.

9). Leon

Our third and final week of Mexico, was where my momma is from. Those days in a way were kind of the last bittersweet kind of days. We missed home already, and yet I wanted to discover more. Oh well! I got to see the downtown area where I bought two cute shirts. A park like the millenium and the zoo. Yes very kiddish things, but once we brought the family to relax with us in the park, and my cousin gave us free zoo tickets. Our time here was so much fun!

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Yes it’s the same church as the Vallarta one…whoops. I actually saw it in Leon.

10) Weight Loss

I have no idea how I lost weight but I did. Given, I probably gained it by now. But when I came back from Mexico, I realized I lost five pounds. I realize it was all the different food I ate…well I should go to Mexico more often! Haha!

Anyway three weeks of Mexico to see three very different places! I came back thinking that this was the fun for this month. Wrong again!

This past Friday (July 21) I got to see my ultimate favorite Korean Artist. He was amazing…but left me with many questions for my own self. Maybe I’ll write another blog about that. My favorite perfomance has to be three songs: That XX, Crooked, and Untitled. Thank you GD/JiYong!

Es Tiempo de Vals

 

“Keep calm and lose yourself in the music.”

keep calm

The sound of music in your ear has the most peaceful way to relax and put you to sleep. Which is one of the reasons why I love to take my iPod or phone with me on road trips. Yes, this weekend was already planned ahead of time. The plans were to go to Missouri to be with the family and celebrate my cousin’s quinceañera. Well what can I say, we did exactly that…no random adventure. No summer/weekend fling. It was just a weekend to chill with the fam.

On Thursday night, my mom told us to be ready by five o’clock in the morning. Naturally I put the alarm at 4:30 am. To my shock, no one was awake. I gave myself ten to fifteen minutes to sleep in and wake up naturally. Yet a few minutes later and my parents woke up. Everyone is awake and we’re pumped. The energy was jumping everywhere, and the coffee did not help with that. However being in the car for eight hours straight has a way to drain you. As you’re in the second hour of the road trip you hands move to your best friend… technology. Sad, but true.

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The first hour or so on the way to Missouri and I’m already munchin’ on a blue-berry muffin and caramel ice coffee.

While my iPod has all my favorite songs, it also has my soul. As I’m typing this down… I’m on my way back to Chicago and in the first hour of the trip. Which is rather soon but we’ll I’m listening to Lay It Down by Lloyd.

Anyway, we got to Missouri at noon and that first day we caught up with everyone and everything. Where we enjoyed a good meal in the backyard, which was Ribs and rice. Second day, was the day of the quince. That’s just a traditional big party. We went to the church. Then to Denny’s and straight to the hotel where we took a nap and waited until it was the time to go to the party. Third day, we spent almost the whole day at my uncle’s house. We had breakfast and later had a barbecue.

 

While I said there were no surprising events, I sort of lied. During our weekend stay. The first day my cousin took us to Lee Summit mall and Yogurtini. Second Day was Denny’s and Mickey D’s. Third day was a price chopper. Still not very exciting but some of the things were very delicious.

Glad to have came!

Bye Bye Teen Years

I’m officially 19!!! It’s crazy! My last official years of being a teen and then it is straight into my twenties.

Every single movie I have watched depicts your teens and twenties like the best part of your life. Which I find incredibly funny because so far my teens have been horrible. They were full of insecurities and days that I had to learn how to love myself. In all honesty, I’m still working on it.

BUT not everything was awful. My teens had brought some of the most special days: Quince, Prom, Graduation of 2016, and probably more. I have grown closer to the few friends I have and my sister.

While I am absolutely terrified of growing older, I also accept it. I accept that it might be harder and that it won’t come easy. There will be days that I think I am not going to make it, and give up. I accept this life I was given, and I will try with all my might to achieve the things a teen is suppose to do. I don’t keep any promises. I’ll have fun and live life as it is. Because my teen years taught me to just live and have no worries.

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P.S Pictures of today…

King and Queen

“A happy marriage is about three things: memories of togetherness, forgiveness of mistakes  and a promise to never give up on each other” (Surabi Surenda).

Yesterday marked the marriage anniversary of my parents. I remember when I was younger, I wanted them to kiss every day. It wouldn’t even be for special days. Maybe I wanted to see the love. Anyway, my parents are very different from each other. My father is a quiet man…very serious. My mother still has energy of a troublemaker. Her eyes glistened when she is doing a “travesura” or being a “payasa.” Yet, they both ended up together.

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I guess I still like it when they kiss…

When I ask my mom to tell me how they met, I admit it wasn’t anything special. Fate pulled them together, it decided that they would baptized a little girl together. The dress shopping for the baby, and being together…they grew fond of each other and started dating. They broke up, but fate laughed and once again they ended up together.

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My parents!

My parents may not be the most romantic but love is there. Over the years, I have grown to learn that they are different…but that’s okay. I appreciate that they remain strong and keep pushing through. If it weren’t for them we wouldn’t be the family we are now.

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Ummm…I don’t have one where we are all together…but this would have to do!!!

Today, is my father’s birthday. Like I have said before, he is a man of few words. But without him, I wouldn’t have a bed to sleep on or a shelter over my head. I wouldn’t have this computer that I am typing on…I wouldn’t have the phone that I use 24/7. Without him I would be nothing…literally. I don’t say it enough…but I love you, papi!!!

My parents are my king and queen.

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Me and my father.

Freshman 2016 – 2017

I’m finished with this SHIT (excuse the language)! I wish I could say that I am finished with college, but sadly it’s only my first year. If I were to explain what college is like, I would say (in reality I found), “Stressed out anxiety-prone teens running on three hours of sleep and a shit ton of coffee.” High school seniors…that’s exactly what you are going into. It’s not all bad…I guess. Four things that my Freshman year of college taught me:

Do your homework! I know this is such a cliche…and I know most kids do it either way. Yet, in high school you turn in a late assignment and you could possibly get full points. My first week of school, and I was trying to get used to how college worked. I messed up! I missed the deadlines. Or… I would forget the assignment all together. Anyway… I missed the first big assignment…the professor took almost a whole letter grade to it.

Parking is hell. The first day wasn’t bad. However, the next few days to come were awful! Basically, if you had a class at 9 and on…you’re screwed. The only times I was able to find parking was on Tuesday and Thursday. That was after one pm. My advice to commuters going to any school is to get there at least thirty minutes before your class starts. In my opinion, that is still pushing it.

Don’t procrastinate! Which I guess could go with the first one, but what the heck! If you want good grades you have to study. I tend to push studying until it became the last important things. Just try to do everything on time, because if not college is going to be difficult. It was for me…

Arrive on your finals on time! With my fxxxking luck, I got late to one final in each semester. Therefore, put an alarm and go TWO hours before your exam!!! At least if it’s snowing. That was my luck…it snowed and it was icy. Boom, there was an accident!

 

National Sibling Day

Nineteen years after and this is who we became… the iconic sister image. We’re Nani and Lilo, Nora and Mary, etc. The six years of difference has no effect on our relationship. Honestly, at some points I considered us like twins, but even twins don’t see eye to eye. Sisters wouldn’t be sisters if they didn’t fight. These are the 19 reasons why she became my best friend:

  1. One Room, Two beds.
    • Ever since our old apartment, me and my sister have had to share a room. It forced us to communicate with each other. I hate it and sometimes I want my own room, but thanks to this room we got as close as we are.
  2. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.
    • This room brought long nights of laughter that made me pee in my pants or to fall down on my knees holding on to my stomach because of the pain. It also brought endless talking, where I would tell her my crushes, tell her about the girls/guys that bullied me, to talk about the dreams I have, talk about the teachers or people I hate, and so much of other things. We would stay up until three o’clock in the morning.
    • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbBpMsuzUdQ
  3. Friday Movie Nights!
    • It all started with Disney movies. She started making an effort of getting to know me, and well we watched all of the Disney movies, or at least all the ones we had. Little by little we grew together, and it was no longer Disney movies.
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  4. Baking…
    • Before our movie nights or after, we would bake. Well at least she would and I would help with some things. It would be the chocolate chips cookies or brownies that we would crave.  We would listen to music and sing our lungs out for the whole world to hear. It was full of sweets and no regrets.
  5. Harry Potter.
    • Believe it or not. I actually did not like Harry Potter…I was scared of Voldemort. But by twelve, I picked up the first book. Then it was down hill. Falling in love with the Weasleys. Agreeing with Harry on his thoughts of Slytherin. To getting mad at Snape for supposedly killing Dumbledore. I read all of the books. All bloody seven of them, with tears in my eyes with the last book. Now we both want to go to Florida and experience Howgwarts first hand.
    • harry potter
  6. Concerts
    • My first concert was Miley Cyrus, and my sister didn’t take me. However, my first concert with her was pretty epic. In a way, it was my first K-pop concert because I saw PSY but she will take me to BIGBANG, Winner, and iKON.
  7. Crazy Stupid Love
    • We use to go on these dates. It would be the movies, Panera or Burger King, and to Target. One of the first few times we went was when we watched Crazy Stupid Love starring the famous Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone. It was epic! None of us had our license, so we would walk everywhere.
    • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iCwtxJejik
  8. The Dreadful Violins.
    • Our dad forces us to his families parties, so we’re forced to sit through the awkward conversations or no conversations, the no cell signal, and finally the dreadful violin music (maybe not dreadful). We suffered together.
  9. Our License
    • My parents never took us out, so it caused her to get her license at 21. Luckily for me, she helped me. With practice and some studying, I was able to get my license last year. I was 18.
  10. Working Out?
    • It’s been a fight to lose these extra pounds on me…and it has failed many times. Still not at my results, but nonetheless when we workout (every other year…). We do it together. Maybe, I should do this by myself… but for now we can eat together.
  11. Mis Quince!
    • My 15 was something special. Honestly she had nothing to do with. Most of it was my parents. BUT… she accompanied me to take pictures in downtown and danced with me the whole night. She was the second MVP!!!
  12. Never Saying Sorry…
    • Sadly, both of us are quite stubborn…so we never actually apologize to each other. However, we know what pushes our buttons…and we grow as human beings.
  13. Food Adventures.
    • Currently, I’ve gotten her to go to new places. Since she spoils me, we gone to Joy Yee, Dim Sum, Pho, Nancy’s, Giordano’s, Andy’s, and more awaiting.
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  14. Class of 2015 / 2016
    • She has helped me with my homework since I was in elementary school. It was a sad moment to realize that I had to try and do it without her help. Either way she was a good chunk of why I graduated both middle and high school. I got to see her graduate UIC, and now I hope I can graduate university.
  15. X-mas 2016.
    • Last year Christmas, was the first year we had gotten each other something. I actually had a job and I was able to give her something small. It was cute!
  16. Downtown Adventures
    • These last few years, I have been dying to go to Downtown. I have gone to Chinatown. I feel like I have been officially everywhere in Chicago. I think my crave for Downtown has officially gone down.
  17. / 18. / 19. “Life is full of moment, and right now is a moment. The sound of a pick meeting the strings. The sound of a conversation running through the air. At last the sound of my own thoughts being played like an Ipod with an infinite amount of music. Filled with unperfect harmonies, raging voices and loud obnoxious laughter which breaks the silence” (Diary). This weekend was more than three adventures. My cousins came over. We went to Portillo’s, had the first bonfire, and gotten some fro-yo. Yes, it sounds boring but it was the fact that I spent my day with the people I love the most while listening to music and just laughing 24/7…was awesome. Our relationship with our cousins, also has gotten us closer in some strange way.