Dear Someone,

You’re probably living a pretty damn well life…or you’re probably not. I don’t know anymore, and that’s what hurts. It’s been well over four years since I haven’t seen you.

I changed. I’m not the same, and I’m pretty sure you have too. Who could have imagined that with four years I would have changed? But then again I was barely going to be a Sophomore in High School, and now I’m a Sophomore in college. Crazy! Let me tell you how my day was (the one question people hate answering).

Me
16 Year Old Me

– Last Days of Summer 2017

I woke up at six like I do every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday…I have an eight o’clock class and the commute is 45 minutes long. Oh and as you can imagine I have my license! However, today I swiped the snooze button the other way. I slept in. I woke up at 7:20 am and I knew I was going to be late, so I gave up and decided that it wasn’t worth going to that class late. I told my mom that class got cancelled.

As I got out of the house, I realized I didn’t have my keys…my CAR keys! “Great way to go genius!” was all I could think about when I was calling my mother telling her that same thing. I could hear her laugh, while she teased me. But there she was at the door handing me the forgotten keys.

Standing in the cold for like ten minutes was long enough to get my skin red and itchy, so I blast the heat up. Just like the music.

I got to school, with luck I found parking. I had thirty minutes till my next class started, so I decided to print out the essay that was due and pray that I would get a good grade, because I’m not good at school. It was never an easy thing for me, but that’s beside the point.

Forgetting one more thing…actually various things, or at least that’s what it feels like. My life feels like it is going crazy, yet here I am trying to push through. Just as I pushed through this day at school (the place I don’t want to be at).

-With much love, your forgotten someone!

P.S Hopefully, I’ll be the amazing author (English Major) and teach abroad in other countries. Kill two birds with one stone. I wish you the best!

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Writing to be Somebody

Just shut up, because no one cares. I’m not important…

I can’t tell you, how many times I felt this and keep feeling it. If I’m quiet, I am forced to think these dark thoughts. I don’t matter. I’m not important. I’m just another human on this earth who is probably just going to die in the end, with no real impact.

Point being, there would be days where I felt like complete failure of a human, and would end up crying in the bathroom, or cry myself to sleep. Or like I have said before… a want to escape what is known to be reality.

SO

Six to seven years ago, I started writing with the intent of creating something. A different world in my words. I knew I wasn’t good, but it helped. It helped because I felt like a SOMEBODY I have a purpose I thought. Sure what I wrote about was nothing important, BUT it made me feel important. It went to poems about my insecurity or my family, writing into a diary where I would write my dark thoughts hoping that no one would read them, to a blog where I hope I can give a message.

I write to feel alive. I write so I have time to cry and sort my feelings out. To shout at the world for being so unjust. To give you guys hope. That life is going to get better… BECAUSE YOU MY FRIEND ARE IMPORTANT!!!

 

 

 

 

A Change for the Better

Tragedy is always happening. Families are splitting. Humans are not having enough of food. No shelter. Children are dying. AND…We the human society are letting it all happen.

I don’t have a sob story. I was born in the United States. I had access to an education. I am an ordinary American student.

But how come there is places in the world where students have to cross mountains, rivers, and deserts just to go to school. SOME DO NOT EVEN HAVE SCHOOL! We as a society have to protect these children and make sure they are and will receive the education they need. If some countries don’t have schools, then it just feels as if they don’t want to see  kids become doctors, lawyers, teachers, and everything else that they dream of.I want to make a difference, and I do not where to start.

I do not have any money. And I am barely in my first year of college. So right now my goal is to donate anything I have that I do not need. I already set up a few notebooks and loose-leaf that I want to donate. Right now all I can do is little changes. Let me try to fix this world into a better place. Do me a favor. If you guys have anything that can help any children in need, then give them these books and supplies that they desperately need. Change the world for the better.

An education is a good way to start. Teach the kids of the future the damage that we have caused and how to change it for the better. Maybe they can fix the conflicts we have with other lands. Education is a way we can all become the same.

Who am I???

“Dearly loved or beloved.” That’s who I am. My name is Aimée, and that’s what my name means.

It’s been nearly two years (maybe even more), since I have had this blog. But, I have yet to tell you who I am? Aren’t you curious? Y’all probably don’t even care. I feel like this is what I should have started off with, but whatever.

For 18 years, I have struggled on finding out who I am. Yes, for 18. Meaning I am still looking. But here’s what I know.

  • I am a MEXICAN-AMERICAN. No, I am not just American and no I am not just Mexican.
  • I am from Illinois.
  • I have an older sister and two loving parents that gave us the world.
  • My favorite author has to be Nicholas Sparks. I would love to be as good or even better than him.

nicholas-sparks

  • The love I have for Justin Timberlake is not healthy.
jt
Isn’t he the cutest???
  • I like anime, K-POP, K-Dramas!
    • Favorite anime: I want to say it’s Ouran High School Host Club
    • K-POP band: Bigbang
    • K-Dramas: Descendants of the Sun or Scarlet Heart Ryeo
  • I love two musicals: Phantom of the Opera and La La Land
  • Favorite movie: Crazy, Stupid, Love

Should I add more to these random facts??? Comment below.

 

 

Merry Christmas

“There comes a time when we heed a certain call. When the world must come together as one”(We Are the One). Most of us. If not all of us, have made a comment that left somebody crying, mad, or just plain disappointed. I wish I didn’t have to admit it, but I would be lying if I said I hadn’t.

This weekend I had the satisfaction to celebrate another Christmas with my family. My sister and I gave out presents this year with the little money that we both made. This Christmas was filled with many new customs for us. However, it also opened my eyes to what Christmas should be about.

My family worried that they would not have enough money to give us– nieces and nephews– presents. Now let that sit and sink in. PRESENTS?!

If you think about the religious reason we celebrate Christmas, it is WAY different from the actual reason we celebrate it now. My family raised me Catholic, so what I learned is that it is Jesus’s birthday. I know that I do not celebrate Christmas because of Jesus’s birthday.

What do you celebrate on Christmas Aimee?

Well, that’s the thing. I used to celebrate it because of the presents that I would get from my family and of course Santa Clause. I am ashamed to say that this was the way I had celebrated Christmas for at least two years ago (maybe even less). Since then, I am trying to think of why I celebrate Christmas.presents

I got my answer. I celebrate Christmas to be with my family and to enjoy the little time we have together. But it gets me thinking that not everybody celebrates Christmas with family.xmas So if y’all can. Next year, make a child smile on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Give clothes or shelter to the homeless and tell them that they are not alone. Adopt a pet and give them a place to call home. Most importantly…love each other. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Merry Christmas!!!

Sleep

sleep

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake” (Hemmingway). Lately, I have been thinking about the down parts in life. So, I’m a little scared of what I should say on here. I’m scared of what people might say. Once they figure my site out.

Let me tell you why my life feels like it’s crumbling.

All of you, know my endless thoughts of going away. The thoughts of escaping reality with the blink of an eye. Well, it all started out when I was diagnosed with PCOS.

WHAT IS PCOS???

I don’t blame any of you, who don’t know what that is. Well, it stands for Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome, what is a “hormonal disorder causing enlarged ovaries with small cyst on the outer edge.”

HOW DO THEY DIAGNOSE IT?

Too many questions, but most of all it was cause one major symptom. Which for PCOS, it is usually that your period is delayed.

Well, my period has been delayed, so like any other person I told my mother. My mother was not too worried, but after months of not having it. She made a doctors appointment. At that moment I was overweight, and like always the doctor pointed that out. The main thing I was always told: LOSE WEIGHT!

By then, I had figured that was that. The appointment finished, everything was discovered. I had to shed a few pounds…or try to. However, that was not the only thing. The doctor had also pointed out that my hormones were imbalanced. Yet that wasn’t the only thing, this final thing…destroyed me. Till this day, it eats me alive…I might not be able to have my own kids.

The years pass by and it’s like days. The first day is sunny and bright. The second day is still sunny but now you spot a cloud. The third day is cloudy, but you can still see the sun. It just keeps getting worse.

I just. I just want to sleep.

Infinite

perks

“And in that moment I swear we were infinite.” You don’t know how much I wish to feel that everyday. I probably don’t understand the meaning the author meant, but nonetheless it’s my favorite quote. Yet, I probably live my life  in regret every single day.  Wanting the earth to stop spinning. To stop breathing. Is it sad to say that I probably wanted that ever since I was seven. Obviously when I was seven it was because of something so childish. I guess you can say I was always a depressed child. I had just moved to a new house in a new place. I was away from the one thing I knew…family.

I was falling like Woody in that one scene from Toy Story… falling into a wide unknown area where there was blackness all around. Just a child, but I know I was depressed. I was and still remains to be: should have I been that sad? Not! But I was and I remember when I was in second grade I would hold my breath and hope I would die. But back then I didn’t know what death was, nor how hard it was to achieve it. I didn’t know that if you died you wouldn’t be with the ones you love. I just wanted an escape from the ugly house. To be with my cousins who were like my siblings.

After years of tantrums and endless crying, I got fixed. Two years in this ugly house and well every thing was turning out well. Outstanding. I was finally starting to make friends. A best friend for each different year. I finally relied on more than just my cousins and sister. I had my own friends which I had thought was going to be impossible.

While I had originally thought that I was going to get out of elementary school friendless, I had a few friends. By then I saw the rainbow.