“It doesn’t surprise me when people in the public fall into drugs, addiction, alcohol, depression and suicide. If I didn’t have my faith and I didn’t have my community, I’d be right there with them” (Arden Cho).
As I said in my last blog post if it weren’t for the people in my life, I would have also join these people. No, I’m not saying it to be funny. Arden Cho, I wish you the best in your career and in your life! Check her out!!!
Anyway, this is my last weekend of summer! It is such a bitter-sweet feeling. This summer has been one of the most funnest (is that a word??? ohh bilingual problems). From going to Missouri, to Mexico, and spending time with friends and family, this summer was probably one of my best summers. I’ve read three books: Unfilter: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me by Lilly Collins, The Choice by Nicholas Sparks, and See Me by Nicholas Sparks. I also started another one…but I didn’t finish it.
This past week was actually probably the worst way to end the summer, but oh well. I really can’t complain. Friday: my aunt came over. Saturday: I have a birthday party to go to. Sunday: is still a mystery.
This Monday marks the start of my Sophomore Year of College. I need to take a deep breath and focus on getting good grades.
I also wanted to give an update on the Yes, You Can! diet. Well, I have lost about five pounds so…I guess that is something good! I’m planning on using my school’s gym and workout after my class… at least on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Let’s see if I can keep that promise.
From probably one of my biggest inspirations…JK Rowling, “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”
I don’t want your pity…I swear I don’t! But what I do want, is to let you know why I am the way I am. Does that make sense?
Y’all know that I have PCOS. According to some sites I have looked up, it says that mood swings are normal. Which can explain why some weeks I feel like a complete failure, and/or lost in this world. Or why sometimes I could feel lonely.
On my good days, I realize that I am not lonely at all. I have my parents, my sister, and my best friend. Overall, I have family. My question to myself is…Why? I don’t know why I feel so lonely…and yet I do. Is it because of PCOS? Am I being dramatic? But I’m not because I am feeling all of these emotions. I could possibly agree that it might be because of hormones which brings me back to PCOS.
One of the main reasons I have this–to my understanding–, is because of hormones and being overweight. I repeat TO MY UNDERSTANDING!!!! I am not a doctor.
Therefore, my mother always encouraged me to lose weight. I never did lose enough of weight. Although I did try, I could have tried harder. Whatever! This year, my mother suggested Alejandro Chaban’s diet– Yes, I Can!–so many years of saying “NO” to do something called dieting because I was afraid that this will classify me as fat. This year I said, “I’ll try.”
Although I broke this diet in the first week, I gave more of an effort this current week. I am hoping that if I lose weight and my period goes back to normal…that maybe I will even start feeling healthier mentally. I need to get out of this dark hell that I am in. With school coming up, I can go two ways… go deeper into this hell or actually start feeling better. Shoot, I may just stay the same, which I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. But I know I’ll be fine, because I got amazing and sometimes annoying people (because they want the best for me…Thank you, mama).
I would say that coming back from vacation is a bitter sweet feeling.
This past week was my first week back home after three weeks in Mexico. Waiting for our arrival was even more family. It wasn’t only family that made me feel like I was at home…it was the place that I have gotten attach to…my home. This suburb…oh how I have grown to love it!
Anyway, this vacation was what the doctor had ordered. I don’t want to write every single detail because somebody had once told me that once you tell a memory it no longer is yours. I’ll tell you 10 memorable things that has happened…(not in a specific order).
1). I’m legal!
As y’all know, in the U.S. you have to be twenty-one years old in order to be legal to drink. Well in Mexico, you have to be 18. In the hotel, they welcomed us with free drinks from the bar. That pina colada was so good!
2). Puerto Vallarta’s Town
My family and I stayed in Nuevo Vallarta…to which I understand is two different states. Anyway, Nuevo Vallarta and Puerto Vallarta was like thirty minutes away. Let me tell what I sure won’t miss. I won’t miss the crazy driving over there! Since we didn’t really know our way, my family and I only went to the town like twice. Yet, even if it was only two times…I fell in love. It was a city and a beach vibe. There were so many people, but in the night it was a different world. Yet the entire time in the Vallarta’s… I felt that I was still in the U.S…there were still a lot of American tourist.
My parent’s honeymoon hotel.
The first restaurant we ate at.
Tony is an iguana that me and my sister took a picture with. It was beautiful! I also felt bad for it. It almost felt like a rubber toy…
False advertisement! I only agreed to this because I thought we were going to hike on a mountain and throw ourselves off of it. But no! They decide to say that we have to go through an obstacle course. I never knew that I shook so much! The people behind me were so kind…and they were both pretty in shape men. Thanks! But I did it! The queen of chickening out…did it! From this I got 17 or more mosquito bites.
5). Boat Ride
Have y’all been on a boat? If you have, congrats if you could walk. This boat had breakfast and lunch. After it started moving, I didn’t think it was that bad…but then it actually started to go faster. The boat hit the waves and danced which made me tumbled and lose balance. There you see me with my cup of milk and OJ…you never seen me with such fright. To be honest, I think the boat ride was worst than the zipline activity. Other than that, this little boat ride included dinner on the beach and drinks, the blue ocean, the ziplining activity, and Tony. It was worth…the not being able to walk.
6). The Mountains
The second week of Mexico, we spent with my father’s family. It is all good, except for the fact that we are in the middle of nowhere with no WIFI connection. How can a millennial survive a week without her phone? I don’t know how I did it. The funny thing is that in order to get connection you have to hike up the mountains to this spot…then you’ll get signal. Poof! Anyway, I slept in a room full of bees…well not full but they were some hives. The insects over there are huge…the last day I was so done. That I only had a minor freak out with an insect the size of two quarters.
The same second week, a scorpion threw us a welcome party. Yes, a scorpion! We were about to sleep when the scorpion came out of nowhere. Poor thing didn’t know that they were gonna kill it.
8). La Cena
In Mexico it is accustomed to eat at 8 or 9 at night. No, it wasn’t a simple fruit. It was a god damn meal! When we got to out third destination…Leon, Guanajuato, we ate tacos at like 10 at night. Most of the time they bought us food from vendors around the block. It was a blessing and a curse.
Our third and final week of Mexico, was where my momma is from. Those days in a way were kind of the last bittersweet kind of days. We missed home already, and yet I wanted to discover more. Oh well! I got to see the downtown area where I bought two cute shirts. A park like the millenium and the zoo. Yes very kiddish things, but once we brought the family to relax with us in the park, and my cousin gave us free zoo tickets. Our time here was so much fun!
10) Weight Loss
I have no idea how I lost weight but I did. Given, I probably gained it by now. But when I came back from Mexico, I realized I lost five pounds. I realize it was all the different food I ate…well I should go to Mexico more often! Haha!
Anyway three weeks of Mexico to see three very different places! I came back thinking that this was the fun for this month. Wrong again!
This past Friday (July 21) I got to see my ultimate favorite Korean Artist. He was amazing…but left me with many questions for my own self. Maybe I’ll write another blog about that. My favorite perfomance has to be three songs: That XX, Crooked, and Untitled. Thank you GD/JiYong!
The sound of music in your ear has the most peaceful way to relax and put you to sleep. Which is one of the reasons why I love to take my iPod or phone with me on road trips. Yes, this weekend was already planned ahead of time. The plans were to go to Missouri to be with the family and celebrate my cousin’s quinceañera. Well what can I say, we did exactly that…no random adventure. No summer/weekend fling. It was just a weekend to chill with the fam.
On Thursday night, my mom told us to be ready by five o’clock in the morning. Naturally I put the alarm at 4:30 am. To my shock, no one was awake. I gave myself ten to fifteen minutes to sleep in and wake up naturally. Yet a few minutes later and my parents woke up. Everyone is awake and we’re pumped. The energy was jumping everywhere, and the coffee did not help with that. However being in the car for eight hours straight has a way to drain you. As you’re in the second hour of the road trip you hands move to your best friend… technology. Sad, but true.
While my iPod has all my favorite songs, it also has my soul. As I’m typing this down… I’m on my way back to Chicago and in the first hour of the trip. Which is rather soon but we’ll I’m listening to Lay It Down by Lloyd.
Anyway, we got to Missouri at noon and that first day we caught up with everyone and everything. Where we enjoyed a good meal in the backyard, which was Ribs and rice. Second day, was the day of the quince. That’s just a traditional big party. We went to the church. Then to Denny’s and straight to the hotel where we took a nap and waited until it was the time to go to the party. Third day, we spent almost the whole day at my uncle’s house. We had breakfast and later had a barbecue.
Going to the mall and Yogurtini!
The star of the party!
Our last beautiful day!
While I said there were no surprising events, I sort of lied. During our weekend stay. The first day my cousin took us to Lee Summit mall and Yogurtini. Second Day was Denny’s and Mickey D’s. Third day was a price chopper. Still not very exciting but some of the things were very delicious.
I’m officially 19!!! It’s crazy! My last official years of being a teen and then it is straight into my twenties.
Every single movie I have watched depicts your teens and twenties like the best part of your life. Which I find incredibly funny because so far my teens have been horrible. They were full of insecurities and days that I had to learn how to love myself. In all honesty, I’m still working on it.
BUT not everything was awful. My teens had brought some of the most special days: Quince, Prom, Graduation of 2016, and probably more. I have grown closer to the few friends I have and my sister.
While I am absolutely terrified of growing older, I also accept it. I accept that it might be harder and that it won’t come easy. There will be days that I think I am not going to make it, and give up. I accept this life I was given, and I will try with all my might to achieve the things a teen is suppose to do. I don’t keep any promises. I’ll have fun and live life as it is. Because my teen years taught me to just live and have no worries.
“A happy marriage is about three things: memories of togetherness, forgiveness of mistakes and a promise to never give up on each other” (Surabi Surenda).
Yesterday marked the marriage anniversary of my parents. I remember when I was younger, I wanted them to kiss every day. It wouldn’t even be for special days. Maybe I wanted to see the love. Anyway, my parents are very different from each other. My father is a quiet man…very serious. My mother still has energy of a troublemaker. Her eyes glistened when she is doing a “travesura” or being a “payasa.” Yet, they both ended up together.
When I ask my mom to tell me how they met, I admit it wasn’t anything special. Fate pulled them together, it decided that they would baptized a little girl together. The dress shopping for the baby, and being together…they grew fond of each other and started dating. They broke up, but fate laughed and once again they ended up together.
My parents may not be the most romantic but love is there. Over the years, I have grown to learn that they are different…but that’s okay. I appreciate that they remain strong and keep pushing through. If it weren’t for them we wouldn’t be the family we are now.
Today, is my father’s birthday. Like I have said before, he is a man of few words. But without him, I wouldn’t have a bed to sleep on or a shelter over my head. I wouldn’t have this computer that I am typing on…I wouldn’t have the phone that I use 24/7. Without him I would be nothing…literally. I don’t say it enough…but I love you, papi!!!
Just shut up, because no one cares. I’m not important…
I can’t tell you, how many times I felt this and keep feeling it. If I’m quiet, I am forced to think these dark thoughts. I don’t matter. I’m not important. I’m just another human on this earth who is probably just going to die in the end, with no real impact.
Point being, there would be days where I felt like complete failure of a human, and would end up crying in the bathroom, or cry myself to sleep. Or like I have said before… a want to escape what is known to be reality.
Six to seven years ago, I started writing with the intent of creating something. A different world in my words. I knew I wasn’t good, but it helped. It helped because I felt like a SOMEBODY I have a purpose I thought. Sure what I wrote about was nothing important, BUT it made me feel important. It went to poems about my insecurity or my family, writing into a diary where I would write my dark thoughts hoping that no one would read them, to a blog where I hope I can give a message.
I write to feel alive. I write so I have time to cry and sort my feelings out. To shout at the world for being so unjust. To give you guys hope. That life is going to get better… BECAUSE YOU MY FRIEND ARE IMPORTANT!!!