A lot has happened this past month…so many confessions.
A time to talk and release stress and tears! A time to just look at how fast life is passing by!Or just plain simply a time to get busy. Is that why October is called the “October Craze”, or did I just make that up? If I did, it still sounds good.
I am almost finished with my first semester of school, and that is quite surprising. Tell me I am getting ahead of myself, but I seriously believe that I can graduate a year early. Not only that but today I set an appointment to talk to someone who can help me build a decent resume, and hopefully this summer, I might have an internship. Oh! I got a job too!
This Halloween I was Batgirl! It was a pretty cute costume!
Then Sunday came and my cousins wanted to get their Halloween spirit on and go to a Haunted House…so like always I didn’t go. But I took my younger cousin out to see Madea Two: Boo. We had a good time! It was a day for a fatty like myself to enjoy, especially in Hollywood Boulevard! Plus in a way, we were getting our Halloween on. I love hanging out with her…it makes me feel like an older sister. I enjoy it! It takes me on memory lane from back on my adventures with my sister. Not that we don’t have them right now.
– A little snippet of the movie.
Well from this week and now, school and work are the things keeping me busy in life. In three weeks from now I have finals. Well technically four, but I’m not counting Thanksgiving week. Time to diet because Thanksgiving is coming and I’m going to gain so much weight! Till the next time!
From probably one of my biggest inspirations…JK Rowling, “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”
I don’t want your pity…I swear I don’t! But what I do want, is to let you know why I am the way I am. Does that make sense?
Y’all know that I have PCOS. According to some sites I have looked up, it says that mood swings are normal. Which can explain why some weeks I feel like a complete failure, and/or lost in this world. Or why sometimes I could feel lonely.
On my good days, I realize that I am not lonely at all. I have my parents, my sister, and my best friend. Overall, I have family. My question to myself is…Why? I don’t know why I feel so lonely…and yet I do. Is it because of PCOS? Am I being dramatic? But I’m not because I am feeling all of these emotions. I could possibly agree that it might be because of hormones which brings me back to PCOS.
One of the main reasons I have this–to my understanding–, is because of hormones and being overweight. I repeat TO MY UNDERSTANDING!!!! I am not a doctor.
Therefore, my mother always encouraged me to lose weight. I never did lose enough of weight. Although I did try, I could have tried harder. Whatever! This year, my mother suggested Alejandro Chaban’s diet– Yes, I Can!–so many years of saying “NO” to do something called dieting because I was afraid that this will classify me as fat. This year I said, “I’ll try.”
Although I broke this diet in the first week, I gave more of an effort this current week. I am hoping that if I lose weight and my period goes back to normal…that maybe I will even start feeling healthier mentally. I need to get out of this dark hell that I am in. With school coming up, I can go two ways… go deeper into this hell or actually start feeling better. Shoot, I may just stay the same, which I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. But I know I’ll be fine, because I got amazing and sometimes annoying people (because they want the best for me…Thank you, mama).
I’m officially 19!!! It’s crazy! My last official years of being a teen and then it is straight into my twenties.
Every single movie I have watched depicts your teens and twenties like the best part of your life. Which I find incredibly funny because so far my teens have been horrible. They were full of insecurities and days that I had to learn how to love myself. In all honesty, I’m still working on it.
BUT not everything was awful. My teens had brought some of the most special days: Quince, Prom, Graduation of 2016, and probably more. I have grown closer to the few friends I have and my sister.
While I am absolutely terrified of growing older, I also accept it. I accept that it might be harder and that it won’t come easy. There will be days that I think I am not going to make it, and give up. I accept this life I was given, and I will try with all my might to achieve the things a teen is suppose to do. I don’t keep any promises. I’ll have fun and live life as it is. Because my teen years taught me to just live and have no worries.