Yes I Can?!

 

 

JKR

From probably one of my biggest inspirations…JK Rowling, “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

I don’t want your pity…I swear I don’t! But what I do want, is to let you know why I am the way I am. Does that make sense?

Y’all know that I have PCOS. According to some sites I have looked up, it says that mood swings are normal. Which can explain why some weeks I feel like a complete failure, and/or lost in this world. Or why sometimes I could feel lonely.

On my good days, I realize that I am not lonely at all. I have my parents, my sister, and my best friend. Overall, I have family. My question to myself is…Why? I don’t know why I feel so lonely…and yet I do. Is it because of PCOS? Am I being dramatic? But I’m not because I am feeling all of these emotions. I could possibly agree that it might be because of hormones which brings me back to PCOS.

One of the main reasons I have this–to my understanding–, is because of hormones and being overweight. I repeat TO MY UNDERSTANDING!!!! I am not a doctor.

Therefore, my mother always encouraged me to lose weight. I never did lose enough of weight. Although I did try, I could have tried harder. Whatever! This year, my mother suggested Alejandro Chaban’s diet– Yes, I Can!–so many years of saying “NO” to do something called dieting because I was afraid that this will classify me as fat. This year I said, “I’ll try.”

Although I broke this diet in the first week, I gave more of an effort this current week. I am hoping that if I lose weight and my period goes back to normal…that maybe I will even start feeling healthier mentally. I need to get out of this dark hell that I am in. With school coming up, I can go two ways… go deeper into this hell or actually start feeling better. Shoot, I may just stay the same, which I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. But I know I’ll be fine, because I got amazing and sometimes annoying people (because they want the best for me…Thank you, mama).

So, Yes I Can!

 

Hasta Luego!!!

I would say that coming back from vacation is a bitter sweet feeling.

This past week was my first week back home after three weeks in Mexico. Waiting for our arrival was even more family. It wasn’t only family that made me feel like I was at home…it was the place that I have gotten attach to…my home. This suburb…oh how I have grown to love it!

Anyway, this vacation was what the doctor had ordered. I don’t want to write every single detail because somebody had once told me that once you tell a memory it no longer is yours. I’ll tell you 10 memorable things that has happened…(not in a specific order).

1). I’m legal!

As y’all know, in the U.S. you have to be twenty-one years old in order to be legal to drink. Well in Mexico, you have to be 18. In the hotel, they welcomed us with free drinks from the bar. That pina colada was so good!

2). Puerto Vallarta’s Town

My family and I stayed in Nuevo Vallarta…to which I understand is two different states. Anyway, Nuevo Vallarta and Puerto Vallarta was like thirty minutes away. Let me tell what I sure won’t miss. I won’t miss the crazy driving over there! Since we didn’t really know our way, my family and I only went to the town like twice. Yet, even if it was only two times…I fell in love. It was a city and a beach vibe. There were so many people, but in the night it was a different world. Yet the entire time in the Vallarta’s…  I felt that I was still in the U.S…there were still a lot of American tourist.

3). Tony!

Tony is an iguana that me and my sister took a picture with. It was beautiful! I also felt bad for it. It almost felt like a rubber toy…

4). Ziplining

False advertisement! I only agreed to this because I thought we were going to hike on a mountain and throw ourselves off of it. But no! They decide to say that we have to go through an obstacle course. I never knew that I shook so much! The people behind me were so kind…and they were both pretty in shape men. Thanks! But I did it! The queen of chickening out…did it! From this I got 17 or more mosquito bites.

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5). Boat Ride

Have y’all been on a boat? If you have, congrats if you could walk. This boat had breakfast and lunch. After it started moving, I didn’t think it was that bad…but then it actually started to go faster. The boat hit the waves and danced which made me tumbled and lose balance. There you see me with my cup of milk and OJ…you never seen me with such fright. To be honest, I think the boat ride was worst than the zipline activity. Other than that, this little boat ride included dinner on the beach and drinks, the blue ocean, the ziplining activity, and Tony. It was worth…the not being able to walk.

6). The Mountains

The second week  of Mexico, we spent with my father’s family. It is all good, except for the fact that we are in the middle of nowhere with no WIFI connection. How can a millennial survive a week without her phone? I don’t know how I did it. The funny thing is that in order to get connection you have to hike up the mountains to this spot…then you’ll get signal. Poof! Anyway, I slept in a room full of bees…well not full but they were some hives. The insects over there are huge…the last day I was so done. That I only had a minor freak out with an insect the size of two quarters.

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7). Scorpion

The same second week, a scorpion threw us a welcome party. Yes, a scorpion! We were about to sleep when the scorpion came out of nowhere. Poor thing didn’t know that they were gonna kill it.

8). La Cena

In Mexico it is accustomed to eat at 8 or 9 at night. No, it wasn’t a simple fruit. It was a god damn meal! When we got to out third destination…Leon, Guanajuato, we ate tacos at like 10 at night. Most of the time they bought us food from vendors around the block. It was a blessing and a curse.

9). Leon

Our third and final week of Mexico, was where my momma is from. Those days in a way were kind of the last bittersweet kind of days. We missed home already, and yet I wanted to discover more. Oh well! I got to see the downtown area where I bought two cute shirts. A park like the millenium and the zoo. Yes very kiddish things, but once we brought the family to relax with us in the park, and my cousin gave us free zoo tickets. Our time here was so much fun!

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Yes it’s the same church as the Vallarta one…whoops. I actually saw it in Leon.

10) Weight Loss

I have no idea how I lost weight but I did. Given, I probably gained it by now. But when I came back from Mexico, I realized I lost five pounds. I realize it was all the different food I ate…well I should go to Mexico more often! Haha!

Anyway three weeks of Mexico to see three very different places! I came back thinking that this was the fun for this month. Wrong again!

This past Friday (July 21) I got to see my ultimate favorite Korean Artist. He was amazing…but left me with many questions for my own self. Maybe I’ll write another blog about that. My favorite perfomance has to be three songs: That XX, Crooked, and Untitled. Thank you GD/JiYong!

Bye Bye Teen Years

I’m officially 19!!! It’s crazy! My last official years of being a teen and then it is straight into my twenties.

Every single movie I have watched depicts your teens and twenties like the best part of your life. Which I find incredibly funny because so far my teens have been horrible. They were full of insecurities and days that I had to learn how to love myself. In all honesty, I’m still working on it.

BUT not everything was awful. My teens had brought some of the most special days: Quince, Prom, Graduation of 2016, and probably more. I have grown closer to the few friends I have and my sister.

While I am absolutely terrified of growing older, I also accept it. I accept that it might be harder and that it won’t come easy. There will be days that I think I am not going to make it, and give up. I accept this life I was given, and I will try with all my might to achieve the things a teen is suppose to do. I don’t keep any promises. I’ll have fun and live life as it is. Because my teen years taught me to just live and have no worries.

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P.S Pictures of today…